When I was young and living in a broken home, I didn't consider it a tragedy I just thought that if I will not take it to heart and be hurt everytime I see how awful it is I can still continue living. To rate my life the way it used to be it was still 70% happy, maybe because I was born into it and acceptance was just easy. As I grow up and start to decide on my own of what and where I am heading, I was still careless, but the only thing I was sure of is not to put myself in a losing situation, at least I tried hard.
       College was hard and at the same time made me as human as possible I was subjected into situations that only a strong-willed person can survive. I made a lot of sacrifices for the sake of education because careless as I can be, and regardless of the degree I will be having I believed that it was the only consolation my tainted life can have. I made the best of what the situation can give, and it was during that time that I learned without other people you can never be better. So many has lend me their time, money, and compassion, some solicited and some voluntary, just to get through those difficult times. But even with those armory, it came to a point that I thought I am fighting a losing battle because there was one thing that I needed and it wasn't there. My family. My tainted, broken, less normal family. I was incapacitated because they were the ones who were supposed to be there for me. I knew my potentials but my family doesn't and that was the missing formula. I lack in luck, I am short of opportunity, and most of all the love that I needed most from the people I was born with, perhaps. what hurts the most is I have learned to accept them but they never recognized me. It was almost like existing by accident and being left there to be on my own. I can't complain can I?
         When I started having a relationship, I was distant to the other person, and it was only later on that I understood, because I did not know how and doesn't want to get so attached. I always looked away from the sight of being cared for because it was awkward for me and I could not reciprocate. I made it into four more relationships with the same pattern, and the fifth one is when I tried so hard. I knew then that attitude can be overridden  and I was smart enough to know that what I have been doing will not yield a good result for me. So, as empty and difficult for me to do it, I went full speed and crashed at the end, karma hit me. At first, I couldn't see the meaning of what had happened because I was so heart broken and disappointed. Trying your best wasn't enough after all when the other party isn't so eager. Lesson learned! From that point my brain started working again and promised myself to be wiser and get rid of the pain as fast as I can, rebound!
         Few more not so serious relationships and I still suck! At this point was where I met the father of my first child, before he became my husband. To picture it, one can say, hmmm...wasn't wise after all. Having a child out of wedlock? What was I thinking! I thought it was the end of me, and then, out of nowhere lady luck appeared and saved me from the dilemma I was in. I got married to my husband and thought it will take care of everything. Part of me thought that it wasn't so wise but for most, I was thinking of the other life that is with me and was brought in the world because of me. I don't want to be selfish and repeat the cycle of my very own life, so I prevailed. I didn't want to be selfish, I didn't want to hurt my child just because I don't want to be hurt in the process. Naive enough, I thought Love will bring me joy and will take care of the rest. I thought I was wrong after all for not using my emotions and get what I wanted. I cried. A lot. Tango is a cruel dance indeed. It takes two to make marriage work. It takes two to raise a child. It takes two to even survive marriage.
          Through it all, I made it to the end of the hurdle. I've survived the storm of the 7 year itch of marriage. He learned the steps and danced his way through too. The ship has sailed through the rough waters and now continue sailing smoothly. But I know that it's still a work in progress, every marriage is and I will continue to fight for as long as it is worth fighting for.  Human emotions can be tricky but our sanity can also control what our heart dictates because after all you are your own warrior in the battle we call life.